Banana cream pie
by KeshvsWhitePoison
Summary: Naruto loves a rock? Sasuke loves a pig? Shikamaru doesn't do anything yet. Ino swears, and Kankuro licks spark plugs? What is this faggotry? This is Banana cream pie! Please Review.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One.**

**The Rock.**

One day Naruto was exploring a forest, when he discovered a life changing object. A rock. Naruto picked it up and brought it to his face. And began rubbing the dirty and grainy rock to his scarred face.

Naruto groaned in pleasure.

"What a lovely rock." He said in his pre-puberty voice.

"What are you doing you dummy." Sasuke grumbled in his monotone British accent.

"I am rubbing a grainy and dirty piece of carbon granite against my lower face region." Naruto replied sounding suspiciously like Steven Hawking. Sasuke began slitting his emo shaped wrists.

Suddenly Sakura ran up and confessed her undying love to Sasuke, but suddenly discovered that the rock was far more appealing to her creepy fantasies and grabbed the rock from Narutos wheelchair.

Wait wheelchair?

Suddenly Sasuke snapped from his monotonous groaning and attacked the fake Narutos which was revealed to actually be Steven Hawkings!

Sakura revolted in horror at the twisted back neck and fugly glasses that composed in the form of the ugly black hole studier.

"Ew! Kill it!" she screamed as her eyes gushed with blood.

For once Sasuke complied with Sakura's request. He pulled a few handsigns then used his fire ball jutsu to free the ninja world of what was known as MrMcCaptain evil black hole guy.

"You can never kill Steven Hawking." Steven Hawkings said as he was engulfed in Sasuke's firey blast. Suddenly a black hole opened up and sucked in Steven Hawkings thus saving the evil scientist.

Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke swore into the bright night sky.

In the mean time, Steven Hawkings was thinking of a plan to get back. And a way to get back into the heart of the ninja's.

Not knowing that the ninjas' had already one this round.

Back with Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura. Naruto was ranting and raving about anything and every thing.

"Naruto!" Sasuke finally snapped. "Look, look at the lovely rock."

And did Naruto look. His eyes glassed over and his nose started to run. He had never seen anything this beautiful in his life.

"It's beautiful Sasuke thank you" he started to weep quietly. Trying hard to be manly.

"SASUKE! Why don't you ever do things like that for me?" Sakura started ranting and raving about anything and everything that she could think of. All of which Sasuke didn't listen to.

Naruto's moving made Sasuke, wake up from his day dream. Which he now couldn't remember.

"Thanks you big dummy, you just made me forget my daydream. AND. It was good." Sasuke spoke sternly to the dobe.

"Oh Sasuke, I'm sorry I never meant for that to happen I just wanted to thank you for this lovely rock that you gave me, it has everything that I ever wanted." Naruto talking like a love sick fool.

Sasuke was a bit shocked at that Naruto could speak so nicely, and talking to him and speaking that way, he most really be a love sick fool.

Sakura was not far behind Naruto, but she was just the same as she was before though now she had something to whine about. Not that that was going to do anything to Sasuke's day. He started to walk off with Naruto and his rock, he said its name was Fred and he was 20 in 2 days, and then behind that was Sakura who still kept the whining up.

"Naruto!" Sasuke snapped, even though the blonde wasn't saying anything. The look on Naruto's face was almost heart breaking. It would have but Sasuke heart was already broken.

"Sa-sauke... I didn't say anything..." The blonde looked down at the rock, the smile that had left his face came back. All thanks to the rock.

Sighing, Sasuke looked back to the noise that he had thought was Sakura, "Sakura! Shut it!" his figures went to his temples.

Suddenly Stephen Hawking appeared out of nowhere with a rocket launcher, and a black hole gun.

"Prepare for your doom." he said in that monotone computer like voice of his. "These guns will make me the ruler of your Bavarian like universe."

So the evil black hole scientist pulled the trigger to the rocket launcher which would have blasted Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and Fred into a million pretty and tiny pieces if not for one fact. Guns don't exist in Naruto!

Stephen Hawking wheelchaired in confusion. Why wasn't the gun working, he had perfected it!

"Curse you." he said. He began ramming Naruto with his wheelchair in an attempt to destroy the perky ninja.

Needless to say he did not live to see the end of that day. All that remained of him was a half melted wheelchair. Nobody knew what happened to MrMcCaptain evil. But Tsunade gave Naruto and Kakashi a thousand ryo and a free vacation. Naruto spent his honeymoon with Fred and celebrated his 20th birthday. Sasuke an Sakura went to Disneyland but stuck on that ride that went:

'It's a small world after all!' again and again and again. Sasuke lost half of his braincells and Sakura knocked herself unconscious after the first few minutes. Needless to say she suffered less damage than Sasuke.

Kakashi suffered serious sunburn from the vacation and is still in Shizune's office for medical treatment.

Unfortunately Naruto and Fred divorced after Naruto was cheating with Sasuke. Fred claimed half of the house and all the money, so Naruto moved in with Sasuke. Sasuke now spends half his time in bed staring at the wall and licking his pillow.

So everyone was happy. :)


	2. Itachi and Shikamaru go to a factory

Itachi and Shikamaru go to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!

Once upon a time Itachi opened his mailbox and pulled out a chocolate scented envelope that was covered in saliva. Eyeing it suspiciously, he ripped it open with Kisame's teeth and read the letter.

'_Dear Itachi-chan_

_I want __your body __you to come visit me in my delicious chocolate factory, all the snacks will be free!_

_Yours truly_

_Orichimaru_

_Willy Wonka'_

Itachi thought to himself 'Can't argue with that' and set out for the location scrawled with _'Orichimaru's secret base. Keep it a secret!' _On the map.

Sometime later, Itachi arrived at the poorly concealed secret base, and knocked on the poorly concealed door. A poorly concealed Kabuto opened it and let the suspicious Akatsuki member inside.

"It's good you're here, I was just about to betray Orichi- Whip up a batch of cookies!" Kabuto quickly muttered, ushering the Uchiha inside. Itachi inspected the fruit covered wall paper.

"If you lick it tastes like sedat- Fruit! I mean fruit!" Kabuto uttered, scampering away.

"KABUTO WHERES THE ASPRIN?" Came a paedophilic yell from the other room. The sounds of dishes being thrown at the wall echoed through the nearly empty hall. Itachi coolly raised an eyebrow, because he's cool like that, and licked the wallpaper. It really did taste like sedatives!

Itachi passed out. Because he's cool like that.

Meanwhile the hero of the story was sleeping his ass of near Orichimaru's secret base. Meanwhile a short orange and green man, escaped through the front door, but was quickly tazared by a sound ninja and dragged inside. Shikamaru slowly opened one eye and stared at the commotion.

'I'm seeing things' he thought to himself and settled off back to sleep.

Suddenly a mysterious shadow loomed over our hero! It was Kabuto! Oh noes!

Kabuto reared his chocolate scented knapsack and captured the sleeping ninja! Shikamaru groaned sleepily and rolled over. Kabuto sweatdropped. But none the less he had captured the lazy little cun- shinobi!

Sometime later the hero and Itachi woke up above a boiling hot vat of snakes! And chocolate! And there was some pocky in there somewhere! Itachi eagerly looked down at the vat of poisoned and chocolatley vat of evil that was bubbling away happily. Orichimaru was standing over it grating some parmesan cheese into the concoction. Itachi raised his eyebrows coolly, because he's cool like that. Shikamaru was taking a nap, horizontally, thus breaking the laws of physics which caused Stephen Hawking to appear! Stephen Hawking growled with his computerised voice at the Nara, who continued to nap, ignoring the boring scientist whose documentaries needed more motorbikes. Since the laws of physics were broken, the vat of snakes, chocolate and pocky floated out of the cauldron, and dumped itself on the evil snake sannin. Shikamaru snored and woke up. Itachi clapped to him because HE was the HERO, Which had saved his life and that of five children who were waving around golden tickets.

Suddenly Stephen Hawking turned into Johnny Depp and promptly escorted the children around the evil villain's base, but that's another story.

Itachi just shrugged, because he's cool like that, and Shikamaru rolled over for another nap. Kabuto walked in with a knife in fork in his hands.

"So Dinners off?" He asked slowly.


End file.
